Well, friends, I haven't written in a long while. A lot has happened in the world and in my life. This first post I am about to write consists of the bittersweet reality of grief. I got married without my mom here in the flesh to celebrate with me. The emotions around this are quite difficult to explain or understand, but I'll do my best.
The planning process wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, but maybe that is because I really tried to just go through the motions to get to wedding day. I had a couple of tears shed in the process - one evening my fiance and I were getting addresses together for the wedding invitations and I needed a few addresses; I made the comment: "You're lucky you have your mom here if you need anything. I'll have to ask my Nana tomorrow." Then I BAWLED. Yup, something as simple as addressing the invitations made me lose it and cry. I left the room and went to the bedroom and cried, wrote a letter to my mom, and cried some more. I needed to just let those feelings come and be expressed. In that moment I realized that this whole getting married without my mom thing was actually a big deal to me.
Picking out the dress was another somewhat difficult thing. It was difficult because of the alterations people and doing all of the dress stuff without my mom. I had my mom in law, nana, best friends, and my best friend's mom who's like a second mom but it wasn't the same. ALSO let me just add that my dad was such a trooper through all of this. So grateful for him. So picking out the dress was cool, it was daddy approved, nana approved and all my people's approved, but it was difficult not having my mom's opinion there. It got a bit emotional when I asked my dad and Nana Gloria (my mom's mom) if they thought my mom would like it. Then tears came and I said "Yes" to the dress. These were all such bittersweet moments. One of the most important days of my life and I couldn't share the process or that day with her.
So the day of wasn't as emotional as I thought it would be. I tend to not show a lot of emotion in front of others so that could have been it as well. It did get a bit emotional for me when my Nana Gloria prayed over me and we shared a special moment before I got ready to walk down the aisle. That was the first emotional hit. The second was when it came time for vows. You see, my husband was there for me before, during, and after my mom got sick and passed. While he was still holding the boyfriend title he and his family would come to the hospital for support and prayer and after helped with her funeral. We have had such a crazy journey together already before we got to the altar. His vows which consisted of my mom made me tear up as well as my vows consisting of my mom as well. Oh! and even our pastor mentioned how we've been through a lot as well. I've seen "til death do us part" and it meant so much for me to declare that covenant before my family, friends, and the Lord. That alone was emotional. The third emotional point of the night for me was making our toasts. Those who came to our wedding were those that have walked alongside us both for years and who also helped me through the loss of my mom. I thanked them all and I toasted to my family for all that we've gone through and how grateful I am for them. My friends and family have been staples for me in my growth and I'm so thankful. That, my friends was an emotional moment for me.
Despite all of the emotions I had so much fun at my wedding. My husband and I had such a great time and that's what is important - celebrating the union of us as husband and wife for the rest of our lives. The struggles we already have encountered and will encounter as well as our achievements - we celebrated the future while honoring the past. My dad even enjoyed himself! He didn't want to go and feel all the emotions just as much as I did - but it was a good night.
To add some humor to this post - my wedding day will definitely be one I will remember forever. At the end of the night when the party was almost over I was dancing, got a little to low, slipped on my dress, and definitely bruised ( if not more) my knee. My good knee now hurts a bit as if I needed a second knee injury to deal with. Ah.. only me.
(I took off one of the layers that made it poofier and lifted it off the ground...)
To continuously support Elizabeth Christine on her rode to making EBGM a great tool in the Lord's kingdom you can check out the link below to learn more about how you can help support her financially. (She is an AVON Independent Sales Representative as well as a FARMASi Beauty Influencer.)