An Open Thank You/ Grateful for the Bittersweet

I saw an open letter post to nurses who took care of a man's dying wife which inspired this thank you to the hospital staff and revelation of purpose in my life. I myself am thankful for the nurses who cared or my mom. One in particular. I don't remember her name, but she was on her game. The first day my mom went unconscious and her kidneys began to fail she was pressuring staff to get the kidney machine to my mom. There was urgency in her to help and do anything in her power. She had gentleness in her spirit toward my family. I wish I remembered her name to thank her, but I don't but I hope she has people in her life who let her know she is appreciated. I myself appreciate her. Being 20 years old and new to adulthood and then trying to stay hopeful for my mom to live I appreciated her kindness and her urgency. What I appreciated most was her positivity despite the situation. [I appreciated her kind spirit opposed to another blunt, harshish nurse. I didn't want to see my mom's legs as they were at that time due to the failure of her body flushing fluids properly, but thanks to that nurse I have that image. ] But to the nurse who's name I don't remember who cared for my mom the very first day of her unconsciousness, the very first day of my confusion and denial, there in that ICU room at Long Beach Memorial Hospital, I appreciate you almost 4 years later. To the doctor who spoke the very realistic ideas of her passing though we were praying for healing. The one who gave me the low down for what was to happen if she lived and if she were to pass. The one who said I may have very well have been her purpose, which is my very drive to this day. Thank you for speaking to me as an adult and respecting me even though I was a very young adult. Thank you for telling me I was handling everything so well even though I was falling apart inside. Thank you for working hard to save her til her very last breath. Thank you for giving me the option for resuscitation even though it would be very traumatizing to her body and those involved. I don't live with that "what if". I am grateful to you and your team for that. I hope you know you are appreciated as you deal with these life and death situations. Last, but definitely not least. Thank you to the social worker who sat on the floor with me as I fell to the floor and comforting me in that moment. That moment will stick with me for the rest of my life. The moment after the failed resuscitation you sat with me in the most blurred moment of my life. You helped me get myself together before I approached my dad with the most heartbreaking news. You gave me the bereavement package with such kindness instead of just another day on the job. Thank you so much. Almost 4 years later I appreciate you. Almost 4 years later I am pursuing my bachelor's degree in Christian Leadership and Management (3 years in) so that I can develop a ministry that will benefit those who have lived through a very similar situation or may have experienced loss in a different way. But to those who have gone through the hospital scene and having to make those very difficult decisions and obtain all that very intimidating information, my heart empathizes with you. I hope that I can make an impact in another's life just as the three women mentioned left in mine. I always wanted to pursue ministry but now I have found my calling. God gave me the strength to endure and to process everything in that hospital, believe me it was all God. My heart softened then hardened and softened again. These experiences we endure and the people we encounter during them are all for a purpose. God's plan is so much bigger than us. Almost 4 years later my eyes still water while typing things as this. I still have once in a lifetime things to encounter. Being engaged and getting married next year, best believe I'm hurting at the same time because my mom isn't here. But I know I'll be okay. I'm blessed she approved and thought of my fiance as a good man. We live in bittersweet moments, but I'm thankful to every person who has walked with me along the way - hospital staff, my church, my friends and family.

Long Beach, CA, USA

©2017 ENDURING BY GRACE