As I was in church this previous Sunday we sang "King of My Heart" which has the following lyrics: " You're never gonna let You're never gonna let me down". Most of my readers are probably thinking "Umm yeah.. God is NEVER going to let you down. I love that song!" Well, I love it too except for the longest time I had so much trouble singing these particular lyrics. I could sing the "You are good" part easily. I know God is good, but for such a long time it was hard for me to believe He was never going to let me down. Spiritual warfare at its finest, my friends. I would stand in church worshiping, enjoying His presence yet feel hurt when it came to these lyrics. During these moments I had to mentally speak to myself and tell myself "This is truth; don't allow Satan to stir doubt within you."
It was hard for me to sing these lyrics because for the longest time I felt like God had let me down when my mom entered heaven. I prayed and continued praying even when they called her time of death. I was like "God raised Jesus from the dead on the third day, He can do that for my mom too if He wants too." But He didn't. I built my foundation upon this great faith in God and it was shaken to the core to where it felt like my God had let me down by not healing my mom here on earth. I felt hurt and deprived of the memories I won't be able to make with her.
I felt let down again last year when another prayer request dear to my heart wasn't answered how I would have liked it to be. The one thing that I thought I would have in my life forever was suddenly not going to be in my life anymore. Confusion and hurt had reentered my life once more. Yet through this unanswered prayer is where I found myself fully reliant upon God. He became my source of joy.
By becoming closer to God during the period of my second unanswered prayer is where I found healing from my first unanswered prayer. Unanswered prayers are answered prayers. We don't realize it in the midst of pain, but there is an answer and a lesson. During this process of feeling angst of unknown things of the future I had to continually remind myself to trust in God's plan. Joyce Meyer often says you can be pitiful or you can be powerful and through this process that stuck with me. I grew tired of feeling so down and each day encouraged myself to be powerful.
So you see, God never let me down. I was able to sing this song today and reflect on how God has orchestrated events in my life for a purpose. It's not that I'm grateful for my mom's passing or the end of a dear relationship, but I'm so grateful for the lessons and the growth. Believe me I would do almost anything to have my mom back. If she were still here would I be who I am today? Would my testimony to others be as powerful? Would I have the drive to manage a ministry as I do now? I do wish God could have taught me these lessons and cultivate my character on different terms, but I really do like the woman I am becoming.
When you feel like God is letting you down please do not give up your faith in Him. I think that hurts even more. God has a plan. It may not be your plan, but remember that God plans with PURPOSE. He loves you even when you don't feel it. God loved me enough to refine me through the growing pains and polish me with His joy. He will do the same for you if you allow Him to have His way with your life. When the thoughts of doubt flood your mind stay strong in your battle and resist the devil. Satan wants you to doubt and allow questioning to take over. Always despise Satan more than anything, rebuke him and the thoughts he tries to send you, and speak life with authority into yourself and your future.
Keep in mind: God is never going to let us down because ultimately we win in the end of this life. We get to enter heaven and praise Him forever. Every trial is worth eternity in His presence.
Attached is the YouTube link to the song for reference ❤
Side note: After writing this I listened to her speak in the middle of the video and AMEN to what she is saying. Blessings!